Welcome to the Coronary club

Allow me to address a few words to you all.

Membership in the Coronary Club, like membership in any reputable professional organization, is a mark of distinction. Having a stroke or being a vegetable with half of your body paralyzed, or dying of a heart attack are greater status symbol than, say, driving a Mercedes Benz or owning a mansion!

If you have been wanting to be a member of the Coronary Club in good and regular standing—and somehow you haven’t quite achieved your goal yet—here are some tested tips from Harold F. Googe, DHSc. These pointers, when followed religiously, will assure you of a 100 percent success.

• Your job comes first, personal considerations and health secondary
• Never say No to a request—always say Yes, regardless of the circumstances
• Go to the office evenings, weekends, and holidays
• Take your brief case home on the evenings you cannot get back to the office

This provides an opportunity review completely all the troubles of the day and assures you of a poor night’s rest.

• Accept all invitations to meetings, banquets, etc, and eat heartily.
• Always plan a conference for the meal hour; never eat a restful, relaxing meal.
• If your work calls for travelling, work all the day and drive all night, carry food in the car so you won’t waste time eating, and drive all night to make your appointment the next morning.
• Gardening and outdoor exercise are a waste of time for a busy man.
• Never delegate responsibility to others—carry the load all the times
• It is a poor policy to take all the vacation time that is provided for you; after all, some of the most successful citizens find constant pressure a sure qualification for the Coronary Club.

If you implement these tips, it will be a privilege for me, fellow workaholic, to extend to you the hand of fellowship and say to you, Welcome to the Coronary Club! (You will understand that I am, of course, writing facetiously)