“Unclattering the Clatter: Confession of
a Health-a-holic”
By: Jane B. Yap



“For I came to give you peace...” Jesus Christ

I am writing from a beautiful beach, somewhere in the East coast of Malaysia...listening to the waves of the sea as it touches the ocean floor...watching the sea birds fly and listening to their music...feeling the glittering sun on my skin...breathing the crisp air of the morning...Ahhh...talk about bliss!

But it wasn’t always like this.

The world is noisy and so I am inside. It’s like a bubble that is about to burst. I get flared up with little things – things that I would have shrugged off and ignored under common circumstances – but not this time. Everything seems to get my attention. More so, sleep has been eluding me. While in those days I could fall asleep in a span of 15 minutes, these days I would toss and turn for an hour and experience a harrowing night after – with vivid dreams which I can tell from beginning to end in the morning; a gnawing pain on my nape seems to be the order of the day.

I am chasing life and life is chasing me; and I am starting not to like myself.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be on a journey of positive health. I was going through a straight line yet knowingly (or unknowingly) I went off tangent. The truth is I have taken the path where everyone else is going – the path to self-indulgence.

There was always a “good” reason to stay late (CSI, Project Runway...and who would want to miss Nigella Lawson’s show at 10PM???);

There was always a good reason to snack (I’m working hard, don’t I deserve a little bit of butter & kaya toast at 4PM? Besides, I’m catching up with friends...);

There is always a reason to eat out (lazy to cook, really tired!... and besides there’s only me and my husband);

There is always a reason NOT TO exercise (rain, hot, tired, rain, hot, tired...)...

There is always a reason to shop for more shoes, bags, clothes – it’s on sale! It’s cheap!

The list went on, until one day I found myself right in the middle of the web and I knew I was trapped! I needed to be back on course but didn’t know how – when suddenly a voice came to me: “Be still and know that I am your God!”

I knew it was God’s voice – He was calling me to rest – His personal way of saying; “Let’s spend some time together, just you and me.”

And that was the reason why I am here; I needed to escape – to get in touch with my inner self and manoeuvre myself back to where it started.

My phone beeped and I got this message:

“God understands we are not strong all the time. He knows that sometimes all we can do is rest in His arms as he takes us through the journey of life.”

Well said, indeed. I knew I am on the right course. At least this time.